2017 Top 10 Albums from a Guy with Bad Taste in Music

10. Pyrrhic Victory by Zao

First of all this isn't even an album, it's an EP and it shouldn't even be on this list. I'm clearly just a fanboy who needs to make an excuse to get one of his favorite band's music on his list.

It has nothing to do with the riffs, song writing, arrangements, heaviness, or massive growling metal vocals I love so much. Just a fanboy.

9. Damn by Kendrick Lamar

Everyone else seems to think this is album of the year or near it, but because I'm such a hipster I have it barely in my top ten. All these other hip hop albums that are clearly not as good are ranked ahead of it.

"Why don't you like it that much?" you might ask.

Obviously I absolutely hated it and that's why it's here on this list.

8. Urn by Ne Obliviscaris

What pretentious Australian assholes.

Who do these guys think they are, Opeth?

Clearly I'm just a generic metal head that likes slams and black metal that's so badly produced the New York Dolls would do a retake. But of course so everyone will like me more and think I'm a cultured metalhead if I have to put on one of these symphonic, long form type of metal bands somewhere on the list. Metal is so deep man, you just gotta listen closer to it.

7. All the Beauty in the Whole Life by Brother Ali

Feel good rap is for losers.

6. In*ter al*i*a by At the Drive-In

Since they kicked out the dude from Sparta, doesn't this just make them Mars Volta except they sound like At the Drive-in? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why they stayed apart so long if all they had to was kick that guy out. Anyway the old stuff is better. Basically I listened to all the old stuff this year so I could pretend to know them well and then say this album is only okay but nothing compared to the old stuff.

5. Endangered Philosophies by Dalek

Yeah of course I'd have to put on a record that wasn't quite noise and wasn't quite hip hop (I mean it is fucking hip hop, assholes, you're just dumb). I mean having this record on here just shows I have no idea what I'm talking about and you should use this as a worst records of 2017 or something.

4. 4:44 by Jay-Z

Ha. Can you really take anything I say seriously if I have Kendrick way down there and Jay-Z way up here? And if you ever talked to me for ten minutes about hip hop you'd know I don't even really like Jay-Z.

Obviously it's because I'm on the "It's so introspective" kick. What a terrible reason to love this album. And even if I thought it was okay there is no way it's #4 of the whole freakin' year.

3. War Moans by Mutoid Man

OH MY GOD! Mutoid Man is on my list but not the new Converge album! And I supposedly love Converge (and love the new album) and am even driving out of town to see Converge yet here's fucking Mutoid Man?

Clearly I either:

A) want everyone to think I know everything

B) am just stupid

C) putting it on here so more people know about it not because it's actually good which completely and totally makes my top ten list null and a waste of everyone's time.

2. Big Fish Theory by Vince Staples

Everyone knows this album is good but better than Kendrick? Are my ears okay? What's wrong with me? Plus I'm a white dude that loves hip hop and Vince Staples talked shit about Eminem and that means I should have a beef because everything is racial or something. Or the other way around, because I'm white and like hip hop and have to pretend to not like Eminem and that's the only reason Big Fish Theory made this list.

Who knows the real reason, but clearly something is up if I think this is the second best album of the year.

1. RTJ3 by Run the Jewels

Well album number ten wasn't even an album and album number one wasn't released in 2017, it was released at the very end of 2016. So this is basically a top eight list with snarky commentary book ends so that I make whatever the word count requirement is for these articles.

This list is null and void.