The Do's and Don'ts of Being a 'Fan'

Most people are unaware that there is an unwritten rule of how to be fanatical. Yes, you read right, there are rules and yes they shall be followed. Or...else.

Growing up in a home that was musical and creative was exciting and enjoyable. Some of my earliest memories include trips to art studios and listening to records while dancing around the house. I started fangirling as early as two years old when I declared that I would grow up to marry either Pierce Brosnan or Michael J. Fox. It wasn't until I was a young preteen that I started obsessing over musicians and bands. And obsess I did. I did it well.

No one told me how to do it. I felt it in my gut. I heard a song and it sent me into a whirlwind. The song was "Paradise City." The band was Guns N' Roses. I was ten and I was with friends at a roller skating rink.

Everything from the way the lead singer sang to the guitar riffs just seemed to speak to me. Before I even knew what any of them looked like, I was in love. By the time I was 13, I was successful in attending my first GnR concert and officially declaring my allegiance to all things Axl Rose.

Unfortunately for me this was right at a time when the band was going through changes and — for lack of better words — the band split up. My dream of following them on future tours or working for them fell apart. It didn't matter to me that I was underage, having no car or money. So I listened to their albums and dreamed of a time when they would reunite.

I stayed true blue to Axl and made sure that I'd be one of the first to purchase Chinese Democracy, but by this point in my life, I had began a different musical journey. Sometime around age 17 I had given up hope of a GnR tour that actually came near to where I lived. Which meant I had also given up on the original band coming back together.

I had moved on. And for all intents and purposes, I believed it had not been my fault. It had been theirs. I started following a female musician around on tour. She had a highly successful first album and again the music had spoken to me. I was in college when I saw her for the second time and I knew that I had to continue going to her shows. It wasn't just the music. I was meeting people and making friends. I was part of a community.

Following her around took me all over to places both familiar and unfamiliar. Within 7 years I had been to Boston, Atlanta, New York City, Los Angeles, Manchester England, Philadelphia, just to name a few. I had seen her in concert at least 25 times. I had met her 5 times and been backstage more times than I can recall. My best friend even dated her stage manager. I was living a dream, but the last time I met her, I had come to realize I couldn't be her fan any longer. Again believing it was her fault and not mine.

Then as if the universe knew I needed something else, I found myself watching TV late at night with a friend. Watching halfheartedly I saw an attractive musician playing on a talk show. His music was as beautiful as I found him to be. Both my ears and eyes were at attention.

Before I knew it, I was buying his album and a ticket to a nearby show. I met him that night and knew I was going to be his #1 fan. And just like that 4 years went by and I had been to over 40 of his shows. I had hung out with him at bars, on his bus, at amusement parks. I had met his entire family and I believed myself to be not only a fan but a friend as well. Then again I found myself needing to distance myself from him because of the person I was learning he was and not the image he portrayed to the world. I was devastated, but I walked away. It was his fault, right? I'm not the problem, right?

All of these experiences led me to being a very disillusioned person. I was lucky enough to find myself in Los Angeles and in the presence of yet another famous musician, having been invited to a private rehearsal. The singer came up to me and grabbed a hold of me embracing me in his arms. I knew who he was, I had listened to his music. He was attractive and charming...yet, I was anything but interested. He spoke to me as if we had known each other for years even going as far as to say "it's been a long time, I haven't seen you in forever." (I had never met him prior to this day) I didn't let myself get attached.

Years went by and I ran into him at one of his concerts. I had went just because and decided to stick around just to say hello. When I saw him he bear-hugged me and said "wow it has been so long, how have you been?" I was shocked to say the least. It was the start of something really intense and beautiful happening inside of me. I was being taught a very valuable lesson.

I found myself yet again in front of a precipice when I began listening to Thirty Seconds to Mars. I didn't know if I should leap or stay put. Then the lead singer, Jared Leto, showed me what I had been blind to for so long. Being a fan took work, dedication. There is a price to pay for being a fan. At the end of the day, being a fan isn't enough. It's about being a family. Connected by a common goal. Believing in something greater than yourself. I hadn't known that when I was younger; if I had, my loyalty wouldn't have wavered.

I had been mad at GnR for not making music on my terms, I had been mad at the other two musicians for being human and making mistakes. They say you should never meet your idols. I agree. Don't meet them as a fan. Meet them as a person who you appreciate. Idols can't live up to a fan's expectations and they shouldn't have to. I was being unfair when I expected them to be perfect. It had been my fault for placing them on a pedestal. So the rules of being a fan are easy and anyone can abide by them.

First, don't idolize. Famous people are people after all. It is only natural for people to say things they don't mean, to act a certain way in private versus public, and to get mad when things don't go their way. If you truly care about them, love them for all of themselves and not just one aspect.

Second, do be flexible and understanding. Bands will break up, bands will reunite, bands and artists will take a break. Understand that everyone has disagreements especially with people they see all the time. Also be willing to wait for new material. After all everyone deserves a vacation. Maybe your favorite band broke up and maybe they won't get back together or your favorite actor decided to retire. Love them anyway.

Third, don't pretend to be them or know them online. This is a no-brainer. It ruins the experience for others. It also takes away from your chance of getting to know them yourself.

Fourth, don't just be a fan. Fan stands for fanatic which is part of rule five. Be a part of a community that loves something that speaks to them. Treat each other like a family. For what it's worth, you are a family. A group of people connected by something powerful.

Fifth, do love them from a distance unless they allow you into their inner circle. In other words, if you stalk them, you deserve to go to jail. Artists don't usually allow people into their private lives; if they do count yourself blessed. If they don't, then appreciate from the sidelines.

If you follow these rules you will find yourself enjoying something magical. The best thing about my life is that art and creativity has always been a part of it. Find what makes you passionate. Enjoy it, don't destroy it.