I just like to hate things apparently. I must admit, sometimes its way more fun to tear something down than build another up. Hell, sometimes its even easier. However, this is precisely what I will be doing in a new string of works that will focus on 7 of the worst rock bands from a given decade. To begin, I will be taking a look at a decade that in hindsight, is immensely responsible for the enormous decline in relevancy that rock music has seen in pop culture over the last decade. The 2000's gave us many fascinating phenomena: George Bush, International war, Facebook, Zoey 101, good New Jersey Devils teams, but most importantly (in regards to rock music that is) it gave us a few very inescapable genres of music: Post-Grunge, Nu Metal and Pop Punk. While these genres didn't begin during the 2000's, they each reached mainstream relevancy during this decade. Like with any genre, some of the bands to come out of these scenes were descent, however most of them... well, sucked. And I mean REEEALLY sucked. Like, enough to almost kill an entire genre of music sucked. So without any further delay, let's begin looking at some of the absolute worst rock bands to emerge from this decade with:
Puddle of Mudd
Right off the bat it is important to clarify that not all of the bands mentioned on this list existed purely during the 2000's. Puddle of Mudd, for instance, actually released their first album Abrasive in 1997, however they didn't find mainstream success until the release of their second album Come Clean in 2001. Led by human breathalyzer test Wes Scantlin, Puddle of Mudd successfully sold millions of copies of Come Clean, an album flooded with songs that nasally whined their way through a deluge of generic guitar strumming and relentless symbol-bashing. This group of Nirvana/Pearl Jam wannabes' popularity thankfully died out by the mid 2000's, however the lyrically immature and musically repetitive and underdeveloped stylings of Puddle of Mudd were certainly a sign of things to come in the early 2000's, hence their inclusion on this list. Puddle of Mudd sucks, Wes Scantlin is drunk (and sucks), "She Hates Me" sucks, and Fred Durst sucks for "discovering" the musical mud bowl that was this sorry excuse of a Post-Grunge act.
**CUT MY KNIFE INTO PIZZA! THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK!**
Honestly the best part of Papa Roach's existence in 2017 is that at this point, they've basically become a meme. Like really, they aren't even a band anymore. Papa Roach at this point in time is on the same level as Bad Luck Brian or mImIcKiNg SpOnGeBoB, only the existence of Papa Roach unfortunately evokes absolutely no joy upon its examination and discovery. In fact, one of the main differences between Papa Roach and meme culture is that it typically requires some amount of skill, intellect and self awareness in order to produce quality memes, while the only qualifications for being a member of Raid: Ant & Roach Killer VALUE PACK is that you have to A) have zero legitimate problems to sing about and B) look like that guy from SSX Tricky that can spin a snowboard around his neck... you know... this guy:
Hide your wives lads. Yeah Papa Roach is an awful meme, let alone a band. Hey you know what, speaking of memes-
LOOK AT THIS G'RAFFE!&%?.>!
Disturbed is one of those bands that sounds like they smell like ass. Along with the likes of Puddle of Mudd and Nickelback, Disturbed really stood out in the mid 2000's like a sore Porta-Potty when it came to the "Butt Rock" sect of Nu Metal and Post-Grunge. Sure their riffs were dime a dozen, the drums pounded with the energy and vigor of a Turtle with erectile dysfunction, and the vocal stylings of David Draimon, while occasionally impressive, carried so much rasp I couldn't tell whether or not he was trying to appear tough and rugged to all the 9th grade edge-lords in the front row or if he was choking on a Ball Park Frank, however the most offensive part of Disturbed's music was their songwriting. Even their most famous musical insult "Down With The Sickness" literally reenacts a mother's beating of her child. Classy.
Sorry, "Classi." By far the best thing to ever come from this group is the jazz cover of “Down With The Sickness” from Richard Cheese that makes an appearance in Dawn of the Dead. God, the butt rock can't get any worse than this can it?
God. This is bad. This band is bad. This band is so bad. In fact, if I decided to make this a ranked list, this band might end up at #1. Whether or not they're singing songs about wanting to cheat on their current girlfriend with their ex or- actually, you know I shouldn't even have to continue that sentence. "Lips of an Angel" is by far one of the worst songs to come out of the 2000's, and just about every other track on their 2005 Magnum Opus Extreme Behavior matches such description. They’re generic, they’re insultingly unintelligent, they lack absolutely the slightest modicum of self-awareness, and they’re about as "extreme" as Coldplay is exciting... yeaaaah, you thought I was done with douching on Coldplay didn't you? Coldplay jokes aside, Hinder sucked and will always suck, given they apparently still have a pulse. Then again, it’s only a matter of time before they get bored with that pulse and try to get back with they’re old pulse without the current one knowing...
Aristotle, Socrates, Voltaire, Plato, Nietzsche: all great philosophers in their own right. However there’s one thing that each of these men have in common. You guessed it yet? Precisely. Absolutely NONE of these men EVVERRRRR wrote a song about how God must hate them. Psh. Amateurs. You ever here Karl Marx say something along the lines of, “I’m a dick, I’m addicted to seizing the means of production and collapsing the Capitalist structures oppressing the working class.” Exactly. But on a serious note... well, Simple Plan is a band that doesn't deserve to be spoken about on a serious note. Really. You ever try to explain to your child precisely why what they did was wrong, and why they are being punished for it? And no matter how hard you try they just get more and more frustrated until shouting "I hate you" and then go back to stealing cookies from the cookie jar or s**tting on the floor or whatever it is they were being punished for in the first place. Well seeing as how Simple Plan has released 4 studio albums since their 2002 debut No Pads, No Helmets... Just Balls, one could understand my reluctance towards putting up a fight. But in summation, Simple Plan can be described by one of their own song quotes:
"I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare. I’m just a kid, I know that it’s not fair. Nobody cares, ’cause I’m alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight."
Honestly it was a tough call as to whether or not to include Simple Plan or Good Charlotte on this list, but it's lyrics like this that give Simple Plan the edge. You did it. You did it guys. You won the prize for worst Pop-Punk band of the 2000's. WOOHOO. Are we done with this crap yet or?
You know I always hate writing about the last band/song on one of these lists, because as the grand finale of sorts the last item on the agenda should properly wrap up the list going into the conclusion paragraph, meaning there needs to be coherent thoughts expressed and not just a photo of a giraffe or something. But man, saving Godsmack for last was a pretty egregious decision, because what can really be said about this dirty pile of rocks that can't be understood from simply clicking on the link above? Like Puddle of Mudd, Godsmack is also a band that released music in the late 1990's, however as the 2000's wore on Godsmack's output simple became more and more unbearable. While this list has tackled uninteresting Post-Grunge, insulting Nu Metal and the smelliest butts to come out of Butt Rock, Godsmack is one of those bands that seamlessly smashed together the worst of each. The instrumentation is drab, the vocals are monotone and growled to a Puddle of Mudd extreme, and the lyrics of songs such as the one linked above sound like they were penned by an unemployed motorcyclist who just noticed a guy walk into the bar with one more bicep tattoo than him and BRO YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OU'SIDE?!?! Gross. I'm done with this band now, please disappear forever.
God that sucked didn't it. The 2000's were possibly the worst decade ever for the development and success of rock music, and its effects are not hard to see. Now in 2017, Hip-Hop/R&B has surpassed Rock as the most popular genre of music in the United States for the first time ever, and the bands listed above certainly had a great deal to do with that. Yuck.
Honorable Mentions: Good Charlotte, Theory of a Deadman, Creed, Buckcherry, and Tokio Hotel