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I miss you dearly. Nothing has been the same since you left us last December. I find myself still thinking of you daily. Most people say that it's stupid or dumb that I cry over a celebrity. I still wear your ring everyday and keep that signed picture on display. You had made an impact on my life whether I had known you personally or not. The band you were in, SHINee, was one of the first bands that I got into and honestly you really stood out to me. You had the most unique voice and the most bubbly personality. Though you weren't my favorite in the group, I still loved you just the same. The songs that you wrote now make sense since you're gone. No one ever thought twice to ask you how you were or if you needed a break. I feel sad that you felt the way you did. But somehow I am glad that you have found peace and rest.
You have been the first loss I've had in a while. The last person was about three years ago and I still have that scar. Losing someone is not the easiest and I cannot fathom how the people who were close to you feel. I know they are trying their best to move on and make better lives for themselves and others. Your friends in SHINee have made a sort of tribute album to you and it is the most wonderful thing. I wish you could hear it. You would love it.
Ever since you left, and even before if I'm honest, I'm determined to do so much in your name. I was inspired by you and I'm not going to let that go to waste. You were an amazing person who didn't deserve to feel worthless or depressed or unloved. You were very loved. I just wish you could have seen that. You're still very much loved by loads of people. Your friends and family; Taemin, Minho, Jinki, Kibum, Taeyeon, Hyukjae, your mother and sister etc. they all miss you very much as well. But they are also determined to live up to you. Even if you think you weren't good enough, you were.
I haven't been able to listen to much of your music since then. I still remember the day that I woke up and saw it everywhere. I honestly couldn't believe it. I saw some rumors that said you were recovering and in the hospital. Oh, how I wanted to believe them so badly. But, it was just not the truth. You were gone. You are gone. And as much as I hate to say it, you are in a much better place now. I will always believe that.
My mother also absolutely fell in love with you. You are her favorite artist and person. You probably will be for a very long time. She took to SHINee and found peace in your voice and music. She loved the lyrics you had written and listened to you everyday. I hurts her now to even watch your videos or hear your voice. Even seeing the other members in SHINee now, she doesn't take well to it. But she will forever support them as four, like you would want.
One of my best friends' favorite bands is SHINee. She wouldn't talk to me for days after everything went down. She couldn't listen to your music, look at your face or even talk about you. She also loved you very much, and still does.
We all know you shine bright on us up in the sky. We all take comfort in knowing you are watching us from above and wishing for the best. Just know, Jjong, we'll never stop loving you or forget about the impact you had here. You will be remembered for a very long time, I assure you.
Even though most of us have moved on with our lives, I really haven't. I miss you every single day. You have made the greatest impact on my life and I thank you so much for that. Thank you so, so much.
I love you & rest easy.