'After Laughter': The End of an Era

Last week, Paramore played the last show of the After Laughter era. I've had a lot of thoughts and feelings about this era and about Paramore as a whole, so bear with me while I ramble about one of my favorite bands of all time.

I have loved Paramore for every moment of their existence. I grew up listening to lots of female pop stars, but it was largely unheard of for a woman to front a band—let alone a band that played Warped Tour. Hayley Williams became an instant inspiration for me, someone who has always secretly wanted to be in a band and play music for a living. Her personality, wisdom, genuineness, and style were all things I admired from the very beginning.

I feel as though I’ve grown up through and with Paramore; each of their albums came out at a time in my life where I needed guidance from a woman who wasn’t my mom. I spent so many days dancing around my room and singing into a hairbrush along with "All We Know is Falling" and "Riot!". I used to pretend to put on concerts, and I’d serenade all of the posters covering my walls. In those moments, I channeled teenaged Hayley. I envisioned myself with brightly dyed hair and dramatic makeup, jumping around on a stage. Brand New Eyes was released my senior year, and it was a time when I needed direction. I was very much a misguided ghost, like the song with the same name. The self-titled album got me through my last two years of college, which were fraught with depressive phases, toxic relationships, and cheap booze. I connected with an album that talked about everything, from love to friendship to daydreaming.

After Laughter was released last May, when I was in the midst of a miserable relationship and living arrangement. I remember being in the car with one of my best friends that day, and we listened in awe to the masterpiece that is AL. I drove home later and sat in my car, like always, and listened to it all the way through again. It was the final push I needed to become independent. To move out, even though it would become a huge financial burden. To rediscover who I truly was, instead of the watered-down version of myself I’d pretended to be for the past two years. This album is all about sadness and pain, but it’s also about getting through it. It’s being able to say “just let me cry a little bit longer” and be pessimistic for a moment. To let yourself feel every emotion that comes to you. After Laughter, truly, has changed my life and my perspective.

Although I didn't have a chance to see any of the various After Laughter tours, I lived vicariously through other people's Instagram videos of every single show, and, my god. What an evolution this band has undergone. I routinely spend hours scrolling through my Instagram "Discover" page, because it's always filled with videos of Paramore throughout the years. I find myself watching them perform at every stage of their career and getting chills, tears in my eyes. Because this band has never given up despite everything they've gone through. That thought in and of itself is so indicative of why Paramore has always meant so much to me. It's why their music resonates so deeply with me.

Watching the After Laughter era come to an end, seeing Hayley embrace her "natural" hair color for the first time, knowing that there is such immense closure for this chapter—it all gives me tremendous hope, hope because we've made it this far, and hope because I know there's still a long way for us to go.

"I can't believe we almost hung it up, whoa-oh, whoa-oh. We're just getting started, yeah, we're just getting started!" —"Looking Up"

I am so glad you never hung it up, Paramore.