Artists Reveal the Best Advice for People Who Want to Date a Musician

I was talking to my friend, Jay Diamondz, about the crazy things that happen backstage. With the most hilariously casual tone in his voice, he told me that he once had a guy dress up as a busboy to get backstage in order to meet him.

Now, this may seem like a hilarious anecdote to many, but to someone who's married to a DJ, I realized it can be a bit scary. It's not necessarily scary for the musician, but for somoeone who's dating said musician, it is unnerving how far people will go to get a piece of your boo.

Dating a musician is often considered to be a bad move by many. Then again, the same can be said about dating a writer. However, it is absolutely possible to have a great relationship with a musician if you know how to handle it.

I decided to ask my friends (and spouse) what they had to say about it. Here's the advice they had to give...

Scope Elementz

My husband is a musician who's gone on tours when he was in a metal band, and now plays a bunch of gigs as a hardstyle DJ. If anyone knows how to make a relationship work, it's him. He said:

"You don't have to come to every gig, but you do have to show your support and be the rock he needs. Music is not easy to be involved with, and drama will arise from it. Talk to him about the issues you have!

Jay Diamondz

Jay Diamondz is a bit different than many of my other friends, since he's actually a pop star that recently got a three-year contract with Universal on one of his upcoming tracks.

Jay Diamondz is a little more established than most of my other friends. He's already had fans wait outside the backstage area to ask for autographs and he's already performed at venues like Whiskey A Go-Go. He explained:

"Be there through thick and thin, because as a musician, you'll experience a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes, you just won't know how to handle the stress. Be there for your significant other. Help them reach their goals, inspire their music, and don't let groupies ruin good relationships."

Brandon Grizzly

Brandon Grizzly is a very close friend of my husband's, and has acted as his mentor in the rave scene. A veteran DJ of over five years, Brandon's been known to kick out bangers the likes most has never seen. He's also an awesome connoisseur of New York City pizza.

He said:

"Support is key, and be there when they're on their low. Also be open-minded to travel and hustling."

Faith In The Glitch

If you're a fan of electroswing, synthwave, or any similarly gothy music, then you probably have seen Faith in the Glitch's epic Twitch stream or watched him play in concert. His residency at Dark Disco is always worth checking out.

As a newly married man, he had this to say to people who are just beginning a journey with a musician:

"Understand that their music isn't something they make or do. It's an intrinsic part of who they are. To love them is to also love their craft."

Damian Plague

Damian Plague has known me for about 10 years, and in that time, I've seen him evolve from a kickass industrial DJ to a person who manages major synthwave bands and goes on music tours throughout Europe on a regular basis.

A realist to the core, he said:

"Make sure you are okay with that person being away for short AND long periods of time. Also make sure that the base person, without being a musician, is a good human being overall. Not all of us are nasty drug and sex fueled party animals. Be prepared for them to make their art take precedence, especially if they are successful enough to live off their art. Patience is a virtue. By the way, it's not expected that you love the band or the music they are creating, but be supportive of the person themselves."

Ajax Beats

Ajax and I used to date back when he was mostly known for his DNB tracks, so I definitely knew he'd have a couple of choice words for me. As a lo-fi hip hop producer that lives through his art, he had a lot of things to say:

"The hardest part of dating a musician is realizing that they can't spend time with you all the time. I had to put my music first, and because my lifestyle as a raver took priority over a relationship. You wouldn't ask an accountant to quit their job to be with you, so why would you ask that of a musician? If you believe in their drive and talent, and they have a job, be patient and support them. As long as they make time for you, it's worth it."

Nick Za

Nick Za's killer DNB tracks were what drew me to talk to him in the first place, but he soon became a very close friend of both my husband and I. Having been through the grind that is life as a DJ, he explained:

"Support them, even when they wanna give up on music. Sometimes, it be like that and we need someone to kick us in the ass and get us going again."

Jackal Syncere

Jackal is another longtime friend of mine who's involved in the hard dance and jungle scenes. He's also a gamer, a contact lens enthusiast, and a Twitch streamer who has seen his fair share of dating drama. He explained:

"We just want you to be supportive and understanding. That's all."

DJ Beeker

Beeker and I met at a rave a while back, and ever since I heard his mixes, I kind of knew we had to be friends. The wild guy in a labcoat isn't just a talented DJ; he's also a pretty deep thinker who's gained a reputation for his insight on life, love, and just about everything else.

After taking some time to think about it, Beeker explained:

"Have a solid foundation of trust. Musicians tour a lot and have a lot of fans, many of which want to hook up with the artist for one reason or another. They will be surrounded by temptation, but remember they chose to be with you and are coming home to you.They have to put on a show for fans and pose for pictures, that doesn't mean they're going to cheat. It's the fan that wants the sensational memory and may push boundaries. Have faith that the artists will be nice and accommodating, but will not allow boundaries to be crossed."

Taylor Markarian

Okay, so Taylor isn't a musician or a band member, but she is the Editor in Chief of Kerrang America. So, she definitely lives the life more than most others. She's also happily paired with Ryan Bertone, a drummer from the metal band, Silence Equals Death.

As one of the most hardcore rocker girls I know, she definitely has a better understanding of what it takes to live life with a band member boyfriend. She said:

"Well, probably the biggest thing is understanding the lifestyle before entering a relationship with a musician, especially a touring one. They will be away from home a lot, and you need to be able to handle that. You should also gauge what kind of person they are before starting anything.If they're the type that loves to party and not be tied down, expect to not be the only one in their life. Not all musicians are like that, though, so don't automatically assume that because they're playing shows they're hanging with groupies. You can chase a good one away by constantly questioning their loyalty. More importantly, let them have time with their craft. They need to dedicate time to you, but music is their passion and they'll resent you try to take it away from them, as would anyone. I know so many people who have just forced their partners to quit music and made them unhappy."

Syncretik

Syncretik and I hit it off almost immediately when I heard them talk about makeup and style. Their beautiful two-spirit soul really stands out in a crowd. When I heard them spin dark electro, I was totally smitten.

Being non-binary and gender fluid, they actually had a very different take on dating advice than others; one that reflects the nuanced way they see the world:

"I don't really know how to answer that. DJs are people, and people are complex and nuanced and escape generalization. Artists tend to have bigger egos and a sense of self importance, I suppose. Be wary of that. But, it can be richly rewarding to date anyone who's passionate about a certain pursuit."

DJ How Hard

Howard is the owner of a record label that specializes in hardstyle, an epic hard dance DJ, and a good friend of mine. When he's not doing yoga or teaming up with my other buddy, DJ Candykid, he's practicing yoga and showing me how to not freak out about random shit. He said:

"When dating a musician, you're going to be watching a person every day, pouring their energy and emotions to the world. And, many times, rejection is returned. Yet, they will repeat the process, hours into the night, separating themselves from the outside world while each and every tear is used to create their art.

My advice? Support them. Understand how much this is their lifeline. The words they can't say are the notes in their song, the metaphors in their lyrics. They will put themselves through heartache to share their music with an audience. Often for little to no money.

You will see someone who feels no worth or you may see someone whose sense of self is inflated. Ego is an evil of an artist. You should be aware of it since that will affect your relationship. In the end, support them. Listen to them. Listen to their art. Let them know the one person whose attention matters is paying attention.

Even if you don't understand it or worry it's not that good. They will keep working at it. Improving. With you by their side, they will keep channeling what's inside of them into an audible form of expression. You're lucky to be the first person to hear it each time. Don't take that for granted."