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I Hate Music

Aka: I'm getting old and I don't understand the kids anymore.

By Liam WoodPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Growing up there was always one thing I claimed...no...one thing I PROMISED I would never do and that was get old. Over and over again I repeated this apparent fact as if it was my own precious mantra, a defiant war cry of a snot nosed, smug teen who knew he was different to those that came before him. I acted as if I was the first 'Lost Boy' and mocked my peers who claimed that the music I listened to was just noise and they simply didn't get it.

This wouldn't be me...

Fast forward to 2017 and that once defiant (to be read as oblivious) teenager is now nearing 30 and has no idea who Dua Lipa is (I had to Google current number ones to even know about the existence of this person...it's a person right?). In short, I don't get music anymore and when opening Spotify I find myself searching for the same artists who made me feel cutting edge and ahead of the curve back when I promised never to turn into the people I mocked.

The truth, in my eyes anyway, is that music at this point in time is awful...the charts from 2017 are predicated on the fact that Ed Sheeran wants to let us know that he's had sex and that Taylor Swift is slowly but surely having a breakdown but somehow, it's still getting her number ones because it's TSwift. This year, which is far from over has given two number ones to DJ Khaled, a man who is clearly extremely prominent in the music industry but one I have NO idea what he actually does to be there and I think that sums everything up...

...2017 is a year where a man who has managed to turn himself into a living breathing meme has been able to corner the charts along with the afformentioned Ron Weasley of music and his quest to let us know that round headed ginger potatoes can be sexy too.

My only shock, really, is that when I looked at the charts I didn't see a certain band...The Chainsmokers. The once memetastic, overvined band of "Let Me Take A Selfie" fame have been a plague on the UK Charts since deciding to take themselves seriously and to not see one of their tracks at number one in over a year gave me hope that the industry isn't completely fucked...because that's the thing, I think The Chainsmokers are even worse than DJ Khaled.

On one hand you have DJ Khaled, who, despite having it in his name is NOT a DJ and despite being the featured star on a lot of songs is NOT a singer or rapper...he is the embodiment of modern day culture, do nothing/get attention and while I dislike this, it's nothing compared to what the Chainsmokers are doing...

...The Chainsmokers are the musical equivalent of a gap year student who you have the displeasure of sitting next to on the train as he talks about how life affirming going to be near poor people is. They sum up why people hate Millennials as they begin to parody what people think Millennials are like but the issue is, they aren't being ironic. In short, the Chainsmokers are an awful band who have been allowed to recycle the same song numerous times, they are an awful band who allowed Chris Martin to be on a track and I repeat...THEY ARE BEING SERIOUS WITH THIS SHIT.

It's these reasons I just don't get the kids anymore...sure, I can hear those who are nearing their 40's that my generation was just as bad but at the time I loved what we allowed to be popular...I know that the teenagers of today could say the same and that this rant has been pointless but I'm getting old so I'm allowed to moan.

For those of you that are currently blessed with the gift of being young take this as a warning...

...you'll get old......you'll have no idea who these new artists are......and you'll no longer get it.

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