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Love Not Returned

A Playlist of Unrequited Love

By Paige GraffunderPublished 5 years ago 9 min read
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Photo by Dương Trần Quốc on Unsplash

We've all been there—in love with someone who doesn't love us back, or not in the same way. There are tons of ways to handle that situation, some destructive, others not so much. This is a list of songs for when your mood is too much to contain, for when you're brimming with desire, and anxiety.

I should preface this with the following disclaimer:

Having unrequited love feelings is a natural part of life, but how you behave is entirely up to you. All feelings are valid, but not all of them are healthy. Do not stalk, shame, or otherwise make the object of your un-returned affections feel uncomfortable or unsafe, ever.

Here is a song-by-song breakdown of the playlist, and why they were included:

Melanie Martinez - "Soap"

"I'm tired of being careful, tiptoe, trying to keep the water warm. Let me under your skin. Uh oh, there it goes, I said to much it overflowed. Why do I always spill."

I think that this is the perfect song for when you so desperately want to tell someone how you feel, but don't want to ruin the friendship

Halsey - "Is There Somewhere"

"I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me"

We all have that one night with the object of our affections that seals the deal. A moment of vulnerability, a wave of emotions that can't be contained. The feeling of knowing that it can't be, but it somehow is anyway.

Radiohead - "Creep"

"You're so fucking special, I wish I was special..."

Anyone born in the last 30 years has had a moment where this song was the perfect descriptor of what they have been feeling. It touches on our insecurities, and feelings of never being good enough.

Blackbear - "IDFC"

"I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care. Like they ain't even there. 'Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care, 'cause I'm so fucking scared."

Anyone who has ever loved a person who is not right for us, or who doesn't love us back has put up a facade of unfeeling to protect our hearts. The music, his voice, the lyrics all combine to be an amazing conduit to all the things we try to hide.

Rihanna - "Skin"

"Why you standing over there with your clothes on?"

This one is a little a-typical, as it is about getting what you want, but I still view this song as inherently sad. It's like all the fantasies you've ever had rolled into one—the wanting, the needing, the craving of more and more.

Hozier - "Take Me to Church"

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life. I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife."

A raw offering of self—one that will likely never be appreciated or recognized, but a sacrifice we all try to make.

Bad Suns - "Cardiac Arrest"

"I'll try my best, how much do I invest? Like cardiac arrest, high voltage in her lips"

This song explores the feeling that you're dying very, very slowly, and only the one you love can save you—if they noticed.

Ed Sheeran - "Give Me Love"

"Maybe tonight I'll call ya, after my blood, turns into alcohol. Oh, I just wanna hold ya."

Late night, drunk, bursting with feelings, too reckless to care about the consequence.

Ben Howard - "Only Love"

"Give me shelter, or show me heart. Come on love, come on love. Watch me fall apart."

A wistful, soulful song that has always spoken to me when I have feelings deeper than their recipient.

James Vincent McMorrow - "We Don't Eat"

"Am I an honest man and true? Have I been good to you at all? Oh, I'm so tired of playing these games."

This song speaks again to feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and the wonder of what all of this is for.

Johnny Cash - "Hurt"

"You can have it all, my empire of dirt."

Originally by Nine Inch Nails, this is one of the few exceptions to my general rule that the original is always better. There is so much in the warble of Cash's voice that speaks to all of us. It says, "I am a disaster, come to me, and we can be disasters together."

Pearl Jam - "Release"

"I'll wait up in the dark for you to speak to me. How I've opened up, release me."

Though this is not specifically about a love unreturned, it is asking someone to release you from your pain. It explains, 'this is how you do it, please, just tell me one way or the other.'

Deftones - "Knife Prty"

"Oh, I can float here forever."

Again, this one's not specifically about love or relationships, but it does convey a sense of desperation, and, thus, made the list.

Ben Lee - "Get Gotten"

"OK baby, what'll it be? I asked my friends and they all agree, you're exactly the trouble I need."

A song about chasing the seemingly unattainable, relentlessly, and with respect.

Vast - "Touched"

"I looked into your eyes and saw, a world that does not exist. I looked into your eyes and saw, a world I wish I was in."

This song has an incredible crescendo and build up, and conveys anxiety and wanting—the indelible need to have what we cannot posses.

The Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"

"I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

An oldie but a goodie. The feeling of wanting someone to see you for who you are, and accept and love you despite. This song is perfect for the unrequited lover's sleepless night.

The Chainsmokers (ft. Halsey) - "Closer"

"You, look as good as the day I met you."

While in general I find the Chainsmokers to be redundant and kind of terrible, this song is one that I actually felt like deserved a place on this list. That feeling of seeing your crush after a long absence, and finding that the feelings are still there, even when you know that it is the worst possible thing for you.

Kings of Leon - "Closer"

"You shimmy-shook my boat. Leaving me stranded all in love on my own. Do you think of me? Where am I now? Baby, where do I sleep? Feels so good but I'm old. Two thousand years of chasing taking its toll."

Another song that the music and the lyrics both illicit a sense of anxiety in the wanting. Perfect for laying on the floor of a dark room and thinking about all the reasons you aren't good enough.

Ani Difranco - "Overlap"

"We negotiate with chaos for some sense of satisfaction. If you won't give it to me, at least give me a better view."

It's no secret that I am a die hard Ani Difranco fan, but this song in particular off her Out of Range album spoke to me when it was released, and still does to this day. It is quiet, thoughtful, and full of yearning, with the understanding that while she wants them, she won't wait forever.

Sia - "Breath Me"

"Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, unfold me. I am small, I'm needy. Warm me up, and breathe me"

It is a hard life lesson to learn that the people and places that hurt us can never heal us. The ones we are pining over can't be the ones to comfort us from that, but there are moments when you have to put everything aside and just be vulnerable around your friends—let them tell us we will be alright.

LP - "Lost On You"

"Hold me like you never lost your patience."

LP has one of those voices that is so unique and beautiful, and with lyrics like hers, it is no wonder that every line can gut you. She wrote this at the end of a long relationship, but if you've been friends with your love, and upon confession of feelings that friendship ends, it is hard not to feel like your affections were wasted.

Gotye - "Hearts A Mess"

"Your hearts a mess. You won't admit to it. It makes no sense, but I'm desperate to connect, and you, you can't live like this."

Oh Gotye... With his haunting vocals, and ambient music, it is not hard to imagine one's self traversing the world, headphones on in the rain, thinking about the object of your adoration. This song is so amazing, a perfect musical interpretation of what it feels like to love someone who is mourning the loss of another.

Birdy - "Skinny Love"

"Tell my love to wreck it all. Cut out all the ropes and let me fall."

This song, originally by Bon Iver, defined the term "skinny love," meaning the love that two people have for each other, but are too shy or insecure to disclose.

Amber Run - "I Found"

"And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me. Talk some sense to me"

I discovered this song quite by accident, but it has become one of my favorites. It is slow, melodic, and enchanting. I feel like it is a wonderful representation of the moment you realize how in love you are with a person you had previously taken for granted.

Tyrone Wells - "Until You Are Here"

"In the rain I could hear your whisper, in the storm I could hear your screams."

Tyrone Wells is amazing in all ways. His voice is unrivaled, and through the decade or so that I have been listening to his music, I have found a song for every occasion. This one is no exception.

The Cure - "Burn"

"Every night I burn. Every night I call your name. Every night I burn. Every night I fall again."

The classic from the soundtrack to the film The Crow (1994). The movie is about a dead lover, returned to avenge his murdered bride, and aided by a crow. It is such a tale of woe, yearning, and dawning purpose. It had to make the list. The Cure loved the film, and wrote it specifically for the movie.

Kelly Clarkson - "Maybe"

"I don't want to be tough, and I don't want to be proud, but I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found. I'm not lost. I just need to be loved."

Kelly Clarkson's My December album had some hard hitting songs, and this was one of them. A song about having a lover be ashamed, and rebelling against that idea, while still acknowledging the need and want to be with that person, but only if they resolved to love her for her.

Jacob Banks - "Chainsmoking"

"I know this cold love won't lead me to the Lord. Although I'm black and blue, I'm begging you for more"

I absolutely love this song. It is about loving people we know aren't good for us, and doing it with such enthusiasm. I have had a few self-destructive loves, as I am sure we all have.

I hope you all enjoyed the list!

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About the Creator

Paige Graffunder

Paige is a published author and a cannabis industry professional in Seattle. She is also a contributor to several local publications around the city, focused on interpersonal interactions, poetry, and social commentary.

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