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Music Shaped My Mind for the Better

How Music Saved Me

By Samantha LondoPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I listen to a variety of music. Pop to heavy metal, I’m into it. Though, I don’t enjoy every artist in every genre. Music speaks when words can’t. Music does save lives. 2010 Warped Tour. That day was the best day of the my life, my best friend took me. I got to feel the music. I got to hear the bands pour their hearts out in person. It’s life changing, really. Emarosa was the first band I ever watched, when Jonny Craig was in the band. The next band I watched live was Pierce The Veil, then Bring Me The Horizon.

Bring Me The Horizon was a band I got into shortly before going to Warped Tour. The song that saved my life is “This Sadness Will Never End.” 2008 to 2010 were probably the roughest years of my life. I went through some terrible things that no 16 to 19-year-old should ever have to endure. The next time I saw Bring Me The Horizon was at the AP Tour, same year. After that I didn’t see them again until 2013. I saw them at Warped Tour again. Then again in 2014 when I was pregnant with my son. That was a memorable show, it was the only show they ever did on Oahu.

I watched my alcoholic parents beat each other. I watched my sister get a job so she could take care of the two of us. My big sister is the reason that "This Sadness Will Never End" spoke to me so much. “I won’t give up on you. These scars won’t tear us apart, so don’t give up on me. It’s not too late for us.” My sister and I went through too much our entire lives, but those years were really rough.

Pierce The Veil is the other band that shaped my mind and helped me through it all. I’ve been listening to them since 2010, it wasn’t until the album Collide With The Sky came out in 2012 that I realized how much I loved their music. Specifically “A Match Into Water” spoke volumes to me. “Make me a promise here tonight, love like a tidal wave. Dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way.” It again made me realize how much I love my sister. It also spoke to me about how to love my husband. It may sound weird, because you think of a tidal wave as destruction, but I see it was loving with endless power.

I didn’t know it until later in life, I didn’t realize it anyway, but if it weren’t for music I wouldn’t be alive. Drowning out the sounds of my parents hurting each other, the sound of my mom chasing after my dad with a knife… It was all too much. My sister and I would spend time in my room, music up so loud that the neighbors would call the cops. I remember in 2008 coming home from school, so vividly, going to my parents room because it was quiet. It scared me when things were quiet. I opened their door and saw my dad passed out in a small pool of blood. My mom cut him with a box cutter on his tricep. I remember taking my sister back into my room and just listening to music to calm down. I remember sitting on the floor with my sister and both of us just crying. You know what’s really shitty about all of this? Our family knew, they knew my parents weren’t good parents. They always said, “We wanted to take you away.” Why didn’t you? Why did you do nothing? You didn’t seem to actually care. If you did, you would have taken us away.

I can’t tell you how many times in those few short years I wanted to die. I wanted to end it all. I wanted an escape. Music was quite literally the only thing that got me out of my head.

I don’t want you to think that my parents are still those people, since I got married to my husband, they divorced. They’ve gotten better. They’re not on good terms exactly, but after a marriage full of turmoil I couldn’t imagine they ever could be. I’ve forgiven them for what they’ve put me through. I’ve become extremely close with my dad, his strength to get through everything after the marriage and reshape his life truly inspires me. My mom has changed too, things slowly but surely get better with her daily. It's nice to reconnect in different ways after it's all said and done.

So, Bring Me The Horizon and Pierce The Veil, thank you for saving me from myself. Thank you for drowning out my fear.

humanity
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About the Creator

Samantha Londo

Sam. Mom. Wife. Student.

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