Heavy music has always served as an emotional outlet for its fans. Most people that listen to heavy, loud, and often aggressive music, just need a release from the stresses of everyday life. Sometimes, it helps just to know we aren't alone in what we're feeling.
At a time in my life that should have crushed my hope, I found a group of people that inspired me to look at things in a more positive light, and it all started with Outcome of Betrayal.
I have admittedly lived my life holding onto hate and anger for other people. Drowning myself in resentment for those in life that hurt me wasn't necessarily the best way to deal with my problems, but we all have our flaws, right?
I started to notice that my darkness and negativity was having a huge impact on my life, and those around me. I wasn't a horrible person, I was just always too locked inside myself and guarded. I finally reached an all time emotional low, and it made me realize change was inevitable if I wanted to survive. The depression had taken such a hold on me that I lost myself inside of it without an exit strategy. So now, the question was, "How do I change?"
I began studying metaphysics, I meditated, I left the horrible relationship I was in, I conquered an addiction, relocated my life, and even met someone who actually loved me. Despite the mess that I had become, I was starting to take steps towards a different path. But, in my mind, these changes weren't changing anything. I still had my jaded view of the world, my distrust of almost everyone, and an expectation that it will all go wrong at some point.
I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then, it did.
The mother of my two oldest daughters unexpectedly passed away. I was left with a whirlwind of emotions, and fears, even guilt. I felt guilty that I would get to be with our daughters and see them continue to grow. I was also afraid of how my unstable mind would react to the loss of someone I had spent sixteen years of my life with. Most of all, it made me realize I need to make the best of the time I do have here. Enter Outcome of Betrayal.
A couple months before her passing, my childhood friend, Kenny, kept telling me I needed to come see this band he was friends with. I finally did, and while I was really impressed with the show and over all sound, I didn't hear the message in the lyrics. Of course, after the show, I went to Youtube to get a better idea of who this band was. The lyrics of the songs spoke to me, but I don't think I was ready to hear it at the time.
When I got the news that my daughter's lost their mom, I immediately went to them. The hardest thing I've ever had to see was the pain my girls felt that day. I was crushed. How could I ever live with this? How do I carry on and be positive when so much pain and negativity was being injected into the veins of my life and the people I love the most? I never felt so alone, so like always I turned to music.
I didn't know very many songs by Outcome at the time, but I knew enough that I had an idea of what they were about. I was in a place that I needed something to lift me up, so I put their album Beginnings on and just let my mind go.
I've always had a way of relating to lyrics so that I can apply them to my own life. One song that really spoke to me during this time was "Change." I had been trying to repair myself before this tragedy, but honestly, I thought it was too late for me. It had been an uphill battle so far, and someone just rolled a boulder down on me from the top. Somehow, hearing this song caused something to click in my brain. I had a moment of realization: I'm still here, I still have a chance. I can't give up now. Suddenly, I felt true hope for myself.
After that, the message in the other tracks on the album became clear, and I realized every one of them could be applied to my own life. While this is not completely uncommon, as I very much relate to many bands and their message, this one was different. This one had a new take on things. The lyrics contained in these songs acknowledge the pain, the darkness, and the anger, but they also acknowledge that there's hope to make your way through these trials of life. This album helped me to realize it's okay to step outside of my darkness. It helped me give myself permission to be a better person, instead of punishing myself with misery.
All anyone can hope for as a musician is to help change a life. Money and fame are often coveted, but true artistic integrity lies in how the things you've created affect the world around you. By inspiring me to be a better person, this band has helped bring a better me to those I care about. I don't take things for granted as much, I appreciate each day as a blessing, and I try to have a better understanding of other people and how my actions can affect them.
I am very thankful that this music is a part of my life. If you feel like you could relate go check these guys out.