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So, let me just start by saying that I've been a fangirl of many bands ranging from Van Halen to All Time Low. But as I got older, my respect for them never went away, but the necessity to buy merchandise sort of died down. I appreciated them from afar. And then come 2017 and this infamous K-Pop group from South Korea and my fangirl flames burst. This was not a characteristic of mine that I determined to get rid of, as being a fan of anyone is a part of me and will never change. But I'm a young adult and I should be trying to figure out my life, buying cars, financing for a home, not wanting to buy magazines with idols' faces on it or buying their songs online. But here I am, to tell you a story to teach you that it is alright to love things to the very end and you shouldn't be embarrassed by who you are and who you love.
My fangirl lifestyle started and sort of ended with pop punk bands and events such as Vans Warped Tour. People with beautiful aesthetics and outfits and their love for the same music brought us together to imagine ourselves with the elusive band members. I would buy their CDs and support them from afar. I once even got a photo with Ben Bruce from Asking Alexandria and I swear my little heart exploded that day. I thought I was done spending hundreds of dollars on merch that I would eventually give to Goodwill, Savors, or sell for a dollar in a yard sale. Most of my stuff is gone, but I do see the occasional band shirt in my closet that survived the donation box or bag. Much like all people, you believe you grow out of it and you stop thinking about it, right? Right.
Believe me when I say my obsession for these people went dormant and I continued with my busy work life and then I found myself looking up this band, BTS. This band from Korean took over my life and I find myself screaming and defending them like nothing. I started to learn the terminology of the fanbase. For example, you favorite member, mine being Jimin, is my "bias." Then you have your "bias wrecker," which is another member you enjoy just as much as your "bias." My bias wrecker is Namjoon. Funny thing is, I don't find any of this embarrassing and I will go on and on about them for hours. There are seven members of them and they're all adorable in their own right. One thing I find confusing is how obsessed certain fanatics are and how mentally exhausting it is to follow what they're talking about when it comes to the band. There was a time I was convinced one of them departed the band because on Twitter there was a swarm of them saying that they miss Jungkook, the youngest member, and it will never be the same without him. Turns out they were just concerned for his health.
I found myself wanting everything from CD to sweatshirts and all of the above! I couldn't believe what was happening to me. This overwhelming feeling of wanting them around me and all over me (not in a sexual way, but posters). I guess you can call me a stan.
Being their fangirl made me waste countless of hours watching interviews and stage performances nonstop. I recognized this need and self diagnosed myself and had to calm myself down for a bit. Not only do I not have the finances to be supporting this unhealthy lifestyle, but I also don't need to relive this torture. I would never be able to afford to go to their concerts and also they're constantly touring in Asia. I don't have the time, money, or patience to be taking to Asia to see a boy band and also never get to actually physically meet them. Because obviously as a die hard Army, I neeeeeeeed this.
"What do I need this $30 t-shirt for?" "Do I really need all four posters?" "But look how cute the boys look in this one!"
Now, I don't regret being in love with a boy group. I just didn't think it would come back so naturally. What I don't enjoy of this fandom is that you have your toxic members, much like any community. They're disgusting people who wish death and harm on those who don't like or even remotely notice BTS as a artist and I don't find myself agreeing with them any time soon. People have a right to their opinions and whether they enjoy my band is their business.
With that being said, I welcome new members every day.