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Sometimes, bad music happens to good bands. Elvis Presley infamously sang "Confidence" as part of a children's movie he filmed in the late 60s. Chuck Berry's song, "My Ding-A-Ling," was his only solo hit - and also happened to be a several minute long joke about his ding-a-ling. Even Paul Simon had a gaffe or two under his belt.
But, as bad as those songs may have been, they are definitely not considered to be the worst song to ever be created. Or, at least, they aren't totally bad songs.
They tend to be written by otherwise talented musicians and sung by a good singer. That alone typically suggests that, while they could be bad songs, they aren't the worst songs out there.
With these songs, their lyrics may be bad, but, they are not terrible. The music videos, if they had them, were generally in line with the times or just mildly aggravating. The vocals don't generally sound crappy, and the beats are somewhat decent at times.
Oh, and they also don't end up causing fistfights on dance floors.
The same cannot be said of Black Lace's only well-known song, "Agadoo." As of right now, "Agadoo" is one of the songs that is most commonly cited as being the worst song to ever be created according to music critics.
You're probably wondering what had to go on in order to get a song cited as the worst song to ever be created. Thankfully, a little bit of research makes it possible to find out what it really takes to have the title of the worst song ever...
"Agadoo" was actually a hit in the 1980s.
The 80s were a special time for songs. During these times, bands could create songs under the influence of more drugs than their bodies could handle and still make money.
The earlier 80s in particular really got hit hard with the cocaine craze. During this time songs were pretty mediocre primarily because too many people were high to notice that the music sucked.
High as everyone was, the public seemed to (at least partially) embrace Black Lace's "Agadoo" as if it was an awesome dance song. Why? Because cocaine, GHB, or other drugs, we're assuming.
"Agadoo" actually peaked at the second spot on the UK's top singles chart in 1984, and it stayed in the Top 75 ranks for around 30 weeks. It ended up being the eight best-selling single in the UK for that year.
So, why did a panel of critics say "Agadoo" was the worst song ever?
Well, despite the fact that it sold well, the song had obvious problems. In fact, BBC Radio 1 actually banned the song because it "wasn't credible." Think about what that means.
First, on a lyrical level, the song literally made no sense. If you don't believe it, let's take a look at the chorus, shall we?
Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody
The name "Agadoo" was literally something they just made up - as in, it was random noise they just stuck in there. Then, God only knows what's going on with pineapples in these guys' heads.
The rest of the lyrics are not much better, with much of the song making euphemisms to them getting laid by a hula girl in an awkward string of broken English rhymes.
That being said, there are some pretty good songs with bad lyrics. However, lyrics alone isn't what made this song out to be the worst song ever created...
Along with terrible lyrics, it's regularly voted as one of the most annoying songs ever made as well.
Let's really just take a moment to absorb the epic fail that is "Agadoo" in terms of a musical sense. It sounds like every single child-friendly 80s singalong song ever made, in the worst way possible. However, it's not child-friendly in the lyrical sense, so it fails at that.
Worse still, the song legitimately is annoying in the sense that it's an earworm. It sounds bad, in the lamest-yet-catchiest way possible. That's what made so many panels claim it as the worst song ever created.
As a panel at Q magazine once said, ""It sounded like the school disco you were forced to attend, your middle-aged relatives forming a conga at a wedding party, a travelling DJ act based in Wolverhampton, every party cliche you ever heard."
At one point in the 80s, it was the bane of every music critic's existence. It just sucked so much. Some critics even came up with a nickname for the song: "Auuuuughadoo."
Critically speaking, "Agadoo" grossly underperformed. In fact, one of "Agadoo's" greatest claims to fame was the fact that it got the Black Lace duo immortalized as "those two wet gits with their girly curly hair" in Spitting Image's "Chicken Song." (This isn't a compliment.)
"Agadoo" was also parodied - a lot.
Along with being incredibly annoying and being made fun of by everyone in the music industry, "Agadoo" also managed do do something else that's somewhat impressive: it became heavily parodied.
Truthfully, not even Black Lace took the song seriously. When singer Dene Michael was asked what it was about, he had this to say:
"We once did an interview on Whistle Test and the presenter asked us: 'So, what's it all about?' And we said: 'It's a protest song about cruelty to fruit.'"
Sadly, Michael never mentioned anything about cruelty to ears. That being said, there were a number of parodies that the song took throughout the years. Chumbawumba took a hit at it. Aussie TV comedy show CNNNN ran a fake commercial for Agadoo: The Musical.
Oh, and in 2006, Vanilla Mini Wheats parodied the song for a commercial - and that actually was a better use of the tune than a club hit. Go figure.
"Agadoo" is also a fight starter and a vibe killer.
On a club level, "Agadoo" has to be the worst song ever created.
The worst part about it is that it sounds just like a song that you'd expect your grandma to like. That vibe alone just makes it cringe-inducing if you were to hear it on the dance floor at a nightclub. There's no way to bounce back from "Agadoo" once it starts playing at a club.
And yet, it's catchy enough for some people to think it's an okay song. This in turn causes problems, such as when someone tells a DJ to spin the track at a nightclub. Most of the time, a DJ will do the right thing and laugh that person off.
However, sometimes, even requesting "Agadoo" is enough to create an issue. According to The Guardian, there has been at least one occasion in which a major fight at a club broke out over someone requesting "Agadoo" to the DJ.
In that case, around 50 people got into the brawl - many of whom got injured over listening to two gits singing about pushing a pineapple.
We're willing to bet that's not the only time that "Agadoo" made someone want to punch someone else's face in; it's a very annoying song. It's also the worst song to ever be created.