Blues on Fire

Sometimes the blues will take care of everything and every mood. Sometimes, you need to crank up the volume, turn on the metal, and blend the blues and heavy metal in to something new. No one speaks to the pain I sometimes feel better than Chad Grey of the bands Mudvayne and Hellyeah. Whether its lyrics from Mudvayne or Hellyeah, the lyrics speak to my soul, and his music, along with his soul-piercing words bring me from the dark back to the light. As a songwriter myself, I have taken more inspiration from him than any other person. Just his ability to vocalize his interpretation of the war that resides in a lot of us makes me understand I’m not alone, and that sometimes the darkness in my world is actually an excuse to roll over and look at the stars. A million times thank you for being an external voice and a visualization of the world I call my own. Beneath the skin and broken skull, I see me free from this cage. Don’t forget the motives that burn, and the silent screams of rage. When I fall from where I stand, I soon will start to rise. This defeat you see upon my face, is only a disguise.

Mental UNhealth

I don’t need a doctor, I need a friend who understands

I don’t need a lover, just someone to take my hand

The brilliance of the disasterpiece locked inside my head

Corruption and conformity overtake and strap me to this bed

Will I ever bleed, I don’t know right now

Will this vicious cycle ever end somehow

Until I break again, you will not know my pain

Until I break again, you will never know the chaos in my brain

All I fucking need is a chance to get ahead

Caged with these snakes that all seem to want me dead

Fear overcomes and I take a deep breath in

This bottle, my friend, my nightly sin

Darkness grows and swallows all the light

Haunting visions of the previous night

Mental apocalypse drawing near, the noise is deafening too

As I rust in piece tonight, mental liberation spins its way through

Fuck you and your judgment. You don’t know for yourself

A chaotic rage still rattling within my own hell

You think I need your help but I need to be left alone

Diluted in myself as I rot to be on my own

Foreshadowing an orchid falling to the ground

Wilting away as Idle hands surround

You think you understand all the pain you think you see

Just proves my point that the orchid smells different for you than it does to me

In my head there is no more color here

Black and gray from ground to sky, dulled by the impending fear

Try to walk a mile in my shoes, you won’t make it 20 feet

Feasting and gorging myself on my own mental defeat

Forget to remember that I am what I am now

Your dialectic chaos is something I can’t allow

Falling from the sky and through the hole in the earth I descend

My mental hell awaits me now, I’ll be here till the end

Matt Turner

09/03/2017

Passive aggressive attitude, paralyzed with fear.

Triggers come in multitudes, I wish relief was here.

Every little thing I do, and every single thought.

Bring on doubt and sorrow too, for the battle I have fought.

A raging war inside my head, I know that I can win.

The things I've done and said, represent who I have been.

I'm not that person now, I know what I've become

I know I have to allow myself to march to a different drum.

Addicted to chaos... full of guilt, too needy for my own good.

Trying to break the wall I have built, I really know I should.

If ever there's a time, to heal the battle scars.

This mountain I must climb, to finally reach the stars.

Well on my way, through the jungle of my mind.

Fighting hard every day, who knows what I will find?

To face my enemy on the field, a battle will ensue.

I'll fight like hell until I'm healed, but who it is I have no clue.

What weapons do I need, what lies in the trenches ahead?

Head will hurt and my heart will bleed, my hunger will be fed.

No acceptable loss, I look up to the sky.

I'll face my fears and kiss my cross, and scream a battle cry.

In my heart I know this fight, will make me strong again.

Now that I can see the light, I'm stronger than I've ever been.

My soldiers always by my side, fighting next to me.

On to bigger and better things, once I claim victory.

Matt Turner

05/30/17