My First Time Listening to The Weeknd Leaves Me in Tears

The last time I cried listening to music was in 2012. I had turned 18 and I was talking to someone I liked at the time; she liked me as well but unfortunately, there were other guys on her radar and out of nowhere, she just got rid of me and like that, I had my first genuine heartbreak. The song that broke me down was, "Just One Last Dance" by Sarah Connor. Yes, there is a singer named Sarah Connor and I couldn't believe it either. The heartbreak hurt like hell but I got through it.

However, nothing prepared me for the intense heartbreak and depression that hit me in 2015. After I dated a gal for a bit, I ended up going for another gal about six months later; I didn't listen to The Weeknd except for the song from "50 Shades of Grey" and a feature he was on with Drake, but I was aware of him and his music. Anyway, the gal I liked at the time ended up going for another gal and that changed me forever because of how the situation played out.

Three years later, this little collection of songs called My Dear Melancholy comes out and I didn't listen to it until I was working one night. One of my coworkers played a song from the collection, "I Was Never There," and it was irritating to listen to at first, but as the song kept going, it got more emotional and it put me in a place I don't want to be in, especially at work. So after I left work, I gave the songs a shot the next day since I had to go to work again... Holy hell!

When I left work again, this was all I was listening to. Every song, especially "Try Me", "I Was Never There", and "Hurt You," destroyed mem but the song that got the tears going was "Hurt You," because the way it sounds is one thing but the lyrics are another. "And now I know relationships are my enemy, so stay away from me. I'm warning you." That one sentence in the song was enough for me to tell myself that I needed a place to hide in case I started to cry.

Now, granted, at this point, I'm way over the gal I liked, but so many things go into the way I feel about the situation because I would tell people about it and they would tell me the same thing. "Get over it", "Stop whining about it", "You still like her." My older brother would always remind me that people will never understand how something like what I went through can really change a guy.

So I spend a night listening to the songs again and I'm just a mess; every memory of the moments I had during the situation and the aftermath of it is hitting me, it doesn't take long for me to break down and I end up crying myself to sleep, except here's the thing: I was living with my grandmother at the time, and I don't like people hearing me cry since I was in bed, let alone seeing me.

These days, after hearing the songs, I'm not as big of an emotional wreck as I was back then, but I'm still aware of the fact that I know I won't be the same guy I used to be. I still listen to the songs but only every once in a while, not to make myself cry or anything but to remind me that things are more complicated than they used to be; being the kind of guy I was doesn't get me anywhere with gals except for heartbreak and late nights doing things.