Josie Burger
Stories (1/0)
"Katarina Stratford Doesn't Care About Your Feelings"
I am certain it is obvious from the picture presented above, that I was VERY cool in my young teenage years. In this image, I am in eighth grade and thirteen years old. If it was not clear from the dip-dyed pink hair or the justice scarf or even the denim jacket, I was chock-full of angst, practically bursting at the seams with it. The majority of my teen struggles rooted in my miniature stature, standing at a whopping four feet and nine inches. Although, for someone whose personality stood at a proud six feet and six inches, I could not understand having so much to say, yet I was allotted so little time of day. I'm sure this is because I hardly ever breached anyone's line of vision for them to know I was deprived of my rations of attention; but I divulge. I am aware that the title of my playlist and this story is oddly specific, but it is absolutely important that it is. Katarina Stratford, among many other female icons in movies I watched and books I read, practically shaped my personality and outlook on life. Kat was the fuel for my raging feminism, defiant demeanor and absolute disregard for others' opinions of me. That was, of course, until I recognized the rest of the world was a situation that I was absolutely and unfortunately only a part of. How earth shattering for fifteen year old Josie, oh the tragedy! Along with the typical frustrations of teenage life and being tiny in a sea of billions, I also came from a broken family where financial struggle was commonplace and constant. I was always the mediator for my parents and siblings, needing to calculate every situation and remain calm and logical from the ripe old age of four. I had the pressure of the world on my shoulders, needing to set a good example for my younger siblings; so I joined every club, every AP and honors class, ran for every leadership position and applied for every job I could. On top of this, I was also in three sports and doing pretty well in them up until my ACL and Meniscus tears happened. There went my athletic career, but oh well, time to find another way to get into college. I did anything to get into college and be an example. I also knew I had to set myself up for my future, not having a trust fund or family money to fall back on, like many of the teens running rampant in Los Angeles. Part way through high school, I started to develop severe anxiety and depression symptoms, which I still struggle with today as I found out I have anxiety and depression. I have moved over twenty times between both households and with the interesting and incredible experiences I was exposed to, it was also upsetting not having a childhood home or a regularly functioning family unlike most of my classroom peers. It was also hard to explain at times how I lived in hotel rooms, on couches, or slept on the bean bag chair of a lovely stripper named Roxy, watching the Simpsons as I drifted to sleep at night. How does a six year old explain this to her friends? Luckily, with my parents being divorced, I had a dichotomy of experiences, moving remarkably less times with my mom, but still a lot for a child. Nonetheless, I am forever grateful for the experiences that both situations provided for me and my perspective of the way the world works. I sunk all of these anxiety and depression-inducing events and feelings into doing whatever I could to prove people wrong and be larger than my stature allowed me to be physically. I lived my life out of spite and hey, for being fueled by angst and spite, I have reached my goals thus far, exceeding a majority of them. I repeated and still repeat to myself every day “I will be more than my situation. I will be more than the limitations placed on me by others”. I have done just that and I continue to do just that to this day. Regardless of the weight of my struggles, I always had my music to fall back on. “Just throw on your headphones and forget about everything for two minutes Josie, then we can bounce back”. I have maintained this logic since I was itty bitty and if I do say so myself, it is a fantastic strategy. This playlist includes early 2000's songs as well as songs from the "10 Things I Hate About You" soundtrack. This musical masterpiece of a compilation also includes some 'angry girl rock of the indie persuasion' from this current era of music, as I think my pre-teen and teenage self would have very much 'vibed' with them. To say my teen angst has diminished over the years, being now a twenty year old junior in college, would be a blatant lie. Anyone who denies that they are an angsty teen at heart, even as an adult, is spitting in the face of both their youth and their long-expired Tumblr account. There is no one on this planet who can tell me that they didn't S(he) Be(lie)ve(d) their way through life, over-emoting in theatrical fashion at every opportunity presented. The songs on this playlist are important to me because they remind me that regardless of the rejection letters, student loans, multiple jobs I work, constant exhaustion I face, familial issues and so much more, I will always have my drama and my inner teen angst to pull me through it. Thank you to Letters to Cleo, Blondie, Gwen Stefani (and No Doubt), Gym Class Heroes, Arctic Monkeys and other artists for not only getting me through puberty, but also a significantly worse fate I am just now getting a taste of: adulthood.
By Josie Burger3 years ago in Beat